It occurred to me today, almost as an epiphany as I was making the bed.  I saw that our bed was literally full of sand, both on my side and Hubs's.  Did I wipe it away?  Did I tut "This will not do!"?  Nope, I just said: "Meh", and pulled the comforter over it all to hide it.  I reckon those sheets won't be changed till at least the weekend.

The epiphany is this: My standards are so ridiculously low nowadays that I'm not even sure they qualify as standards.  They're more like ideas that are never quite realized.  I blame my son.

As regards personal hygiene since having a kid, I will say that I do try to make an effort and shower every day.  That's when my two friends Mr. Laptop and Mr. TV come in really handy - I plop M in front of one or the other and take the quickest shower known to man.  When I really go for it and treat myself to a hair washing, there is never time for drying my hair.  Instead, I scrunch that shit with mousse, and have Wet Head all day.  As far as any other major grooming, it's when I remember.  Poor Hubs.

For many months, M has had very little interest in sitting at the table with us to eat a meal.  Like any toddler, really.  Rather than fight it every day, we let him have his muffin at breakfast/ cucumber snack/ smoothie on the go.  And on the floor.  And on the couch.  And on his bed.  It makes me crazy, but I'd rather he eat that way then not at all... so we let him.  And my house is CONSTANTLY covered in crumbs and weird stains.  I should sweep or vacuum at least once a day.  But instead, I'm lucky if it gets done twice a week.  And as regards our couch and loveseat that we bought new two years ago when we moved into this house: Forget It.  Fucking microfiber.

Maybe this is the problem?

One area of the house that I do try and make an effort in is the kitchen.  I try and make homemade meals every night.  The main reason is that I'm a pig and love to eat.  But there are some areas related to food prep where things fall by the wayside as well.  One of my biggest pet peeves is emptying the dish rack.  I will Tetris the crap out of the pots and pans to avoid emptying that thing.  After supper tonight, I put a huge pot back in the fridge with nary a half portion of spaghetti in it.  I could have transferred it to a Tupperware and washed the pot... One more step, I thought.

Stackable!

I know every parent says it, but seriously: I wasn't always like this!  I used to have luxurious showers daily, and groom myself as close to perfection as I could.  Monthly waxing!  Eyebrow shaping!  Clothes shopping!

My house has never been spotless by any stretch of the imagination.  But I would never have ignored blatant piles of filth!  Never!  I would have scrubbed that dirt away as soon as I saw it!  I would have bought or rented a steam cleaner to tackle it all!

I guess one of the main things that's happened since becoming M's mom is that I choose to spend as much time as I possibly can with him throughout the day.  My house could be immaculate, and I could look fantastic every day, and my dishes could be put away... BUT, I would have to take time away from M to do all of that.  I know that there are some moms out there who do manage to do it all, and I'm not too proud to say that I'm extremely jealous of them.

I'm hoping there will be more time for things once M starts school in two years time.  Until then, Hubs should bring the sand toys to bed... God knows that's the only fun going on in there anyway.

I just bought a new piece of “art” for our family room wall.  You know, one of those super cute things that state the “Family Rules”.  

Would you like a glass of wine with this cheese?

When I found it at Homesense, I have to admit that I got choked up a bit.  Like: “Yes, these are the mantras by which I will live as a mother”, and “Hubs and I will explain what all of these rules mean to M and instill the right morals and values into our toddler”.  

And then I got it home and reality set it.

So here are Our Family Rules, as interpreted by our almost three year old son:

Share: I think I understand what this word means, but I really don’t care for it. I get pissed when other kids won’t share their things with me; and I get really vexed when someone wants to share my shit.  I have been known to share a crumb or two of toast with my mum in the morning, since she might need something other than coffee to keep her alive.

Be Kind: I'm pretty sure this doesn't apply to when I throw a book at mom's head when she's trying to put my shoes on.  But I do like the fact that I get a reaction, so I'll probably keep doing it for a few more years.

Love One Another: My mum and dad are always there for me, no matter what. Even when I literally piss, shit and vomit on them.  I'm pretty sure that's love.

Say Please and Thank You:  If I don't say please, I don't get what I want. No Brainer.  Saying Thank You is encouraged, but right now I'm getting away with muttering "Ganks".

Keep Our Promises: I promised my mum I would tell her when I needed to pee.  I told her I was peeing when I was doing it all over the floor.  That counts as a promise, right?

Be Silly: Done and done.  For reals.

"Just chilling wearing my crab sunglasses"

Do Your Best: Every single thing I do and say is the best - my grandparents tell me so every time I see them.

Say I’m Sorry:  When my mum is getting that crazy look in her eyes, and her lips disappear?  That's when I pull this one out.  Gets her every time.

Smile: Very similar to saying please, since I'm more likely to get what I want.

Be Patient: I don't understand this word.

Don’t Whine: I don't understand this verb.

Hug One Another Often: Done and done.  Mum makes me.

It's that time again!

Everyone is getting back to something.
Weekday mornings always seem to be so hectic. Getting D ready in the morning and trying to make it out the door is a job in itself. 
I make these great little pancakes ahead and pop them in the freezer.Great nutritious breakfast your LO can have on their plates in a matter of seconds.

Ingredients

1 cup whole wheat flour

1 cup oatmeal baby cereal (iron fortified) 
2 tsp baking powder
1 cup milk
1 very ripe banana mashed
2 eggs
1 tbsp melted butter or margarine
1 tsp pure vanilla extract

Directions

Mix dry ingredients until well combined. Mix wet ingredients in a separate bowl.
Slowly add the dry ingredients into the wet mixture and mix until combined.
In a large stove pan over medium heat, add pancake mixture forming small pancakes approximately 3"- 4" in size.
Turn once pancake has fluffed up and bottom is golden brown.
Serve with maple syrup.
Can be frozen for up to 2 months.
When ready to eat, heat in microwave for 30 seconds.

Eat up and Enjoy!

This Creamy Butternut Squash Soup is super easy, quick and packed with veggies that your kids will eat up and then ask for seconds. D is pretty picky with his veggies - as most kids are...But he LOVES this soup! 

Little does he know muahahahaaaaaa! ;)

I have pretty much found the holy grail of vegetable intake for him. Woot woot!

I have a little obsession with my Vitamix blender that I received as a gift for my birthday.
We use it in our house on a daily basis. BEST blender ever!!!
My perfect little blending machine inspired this soup.

So smooth and tasty. Yum Yum. Enjoy it as a side dish or as a Main.

I hope your family loves it as much as mine does.
Eat Up and Enjoy!

Ingredients

2 tsp coconut oil (organic cold pressed)

1 tsp minced garlic
1 butternut squash peeled and chopped into chunks

2 cups carrots peeled and chopped into chunks
1 cup leeks sliced
1 cup onion chopped
4 cups chicken broth
1/4 cup sliced almonds (optional)
Salt and pepper to taste.

Directions

Over low medium heat in a large saucepan, melt the coconut oil until dissolved.

Add the garlic, butternut squash, carrots, leeks, onion, sliced almonds and 2 cups of the chicken broth.
Bring to a boil over medium high heat until the vegetables are cooked through stirring frequently.Once vegetables are cooked through remove from heat and let cool for 5 minutes.

Add the remaining 2 cups of chicken broth. Using a hand blender, blend ingredients until smooth and creamy. Serve it up with a sprinkle of almond slices (optional).

D helping mommy still up the pot full of veggies.
What a great little helper.

Hmm, I just had a trip down memory lane, reading another blog entry on the 25 must have items in your hospital bag when you deliver your baby.  

When I say that Hubs and I were clueless about everything to do with babies before we had one of our own, I mean we were Clue. Less.  Ridiculous.  No idea.  Out to lunch.  Get the picture?!?  

So when it came time to plan what to bring to the hospital with us when M was born, we knew just what to do: We would copy down the lists from several “What to expect”-type books, and just pretty much pack every single item from our condo not too heavy to pack into three suitcases.

Imagine this multiplied by ten, then add seventeen pillows

I’m too embarrassed to write down everything that we ended up bringing, but our list did include:

• Relaxation music
• Pretty much all of the pillows in our condo
• Pictures meant to invoke feelings of tranquility
• Two packs of Costco-sized boxes of extra absorbent maxi pads the size of hand towels
• DVDs… around five or so… you know, in case we had time to watch 10 hours of movies while I was in labor
• Fifteen pairs of panties
• My entire makeup bag... you know, in case anyone actually gave a shit what I looked like

  

  "I'm looking forward to my visualization exercises so much!"

What I wish that I would have actually brought, but had no idea I would need:

• Gum, lots of gum - chances are you’ll be up for hours and have halitosis, and the nurses are often right in your face.  It’s a courtesy more than anything, and can keep your mouth moist when you’re right in the thick of painful labor and are trying to keep your shit together.  Plus, you may have had an epidural, in which case won’t be able to walk to the bathroom to brush your teeth anyway.
• Ear plugs.  Two words: Maternity Ward.  Enough said.
• A trashy magazine or two, so that after the baby arrived I could have appreciated my hospital stay just a bit more
• My husband’s sweat pants for the trip home.  Again, two words: Swollen Everything.
• A thank you card for the nursing staff

What’s funny about our stay at the hospital after M was born was how much I pushed to go home.  I wanted to be in my own surroundings, where I might be brave enough to have my first post-baby bowel movement.  I wanted to put on my bathrobe and call people and announce M’s arrival.

The thing is, what no one tells you is that as soon as you get home, the honeymoon is over.  There is no longer a team of nurses flitting around, checking you and baby out.  No one tells you when you should feed the baby, no one checks on you to make sure you’re not in pain.  Actually, that’s not true… Hubs DID check on me, and tried his best to make sure I was OK.  But he was as delirious as I was, and we were basically the blind leading the blind those first few weeks.

I’ve heard many moms complain about the maternity wards in different hospitals, how they didn’t have enough “A”, or perhaps there was too much “B”.  Maybe the nurses weren’t “C” enough.  But for me, I have nothing but gratitude and appreciation for the nurses who took care of me and my son while I was at the hospital.  They were saints, I tell you.  Saints!

Besides, who else would still make eye contact with you after you literally shit in their face?

I don’t understand why motherhood all of a sudden gives everyone the right to comment on me, my child-raising decisions, and my child.  

Get your one-way ticket to Opiniontown here!

In fact, as soon as I became visibly pregnant, it was like the general public got a free pass to comment on me: my weight gain; the shape of my belly; the texture of my hair; the possible sex of the baby based on how I was carrying, etc, etc.  

"Oh, I've gained too much weight, you say?  Eat shit!"

How I should feed the baby, how I should train my baby to sleep, etc, etc, etc all of a sudden became appropriate topics of discussion for friends, family members, acquaintances and even strangers - and I was literally only about fifteen weeks pregnant.

Listen, in the thick of it, you know… when your baby is about a week old; when you haven’t slept in days and your nipples are bleeding; your vag is throbbing, and your stitches are itchy: if you need advice, you WILL ask for it.  You'll be so desperate for some advice to make sure you're not about to kill your child with your mothering, that you'll talk to anyone about it.

"Please help me.  I'm only smiling because I'm so deliriously tired that I forget my own name."

When your toddler is going through the terrible two’s, and you’re trying to teach him to use the potty to pee instead of the couch, you may very well ask another mom at the park what they think.  Christ, we all need a little support from time to time.  A sounding board.  Someone to shed perspective on the circus that is motherhood, to help us realize that we’re not alone.

But it’s the unsolicited sort of advice that really riles me up, when people want you to know their opinion on parenting… or basically anything that goes along with having kids.  I had a hell of a time trying to get my newborn son to latch on to breastfeed; to which a “friend” of mine (who DOES NOT HAVE CHILDREN) pointed out that breastfeeding was the Most Natural Thing In The World, and that I just needed to try harder.  Seriously?!?!?!? Thank you very much, I hadn't realized that it was natural. Let me ignore my bleeding nipples and my son's tongue tie and buck up! NOW it will work!

Can you imagine what the world would be like if we all just walked around, spouting our opinions about everything that everybody else is doing as their job?  Imagine walking into the kitchen of a five star restaurant and telling the chef: “Actually, I believe that you should make your pie crust differently!”.  How about walking into the cockpit of an airplane and telling the pilot how you would see fit to land the Airbus 380?  But you know what, that would never happen because in these situations, the general public has manners!

So, unless you’re asked for advice about my parenting by me:

• Show some respect
• Show some class
• Grow Up
• Shut the fuck up.  Please.

  

  Please

They had a sale on bocconcini cheese the other day, so I decided to use it in a pasta salad last night.  Cheese and pasta?  Yes, please!!!

This is the first year that we’ve had a vegetable garden in our back yard, and we’re finally starting to see some payoff for all of the hard work that goes into it…  And by that, I mean my husband’s hard work is finally paying off!

What's amazing is that we didn't kill it immediately...

I’ve never been that picky of an eater, but have only fairly recently started to really enjoy vegetables.  And let me tell you, there is something truly awesome about being able to go out into the garden while I’m getting supper ready, and picking a few herbs or veggies.  And it has made Hubs so very happy to have a project to do this summer!

So, we garden now.  No big deal.

This salad should take about twenty minutes or so to make, and it’s truly worth it.  In my humble opinion, it’s lovely!  

Ingredients

1 Box or bag of Pasta (about 450 grams or so, whatever kind you like)

1 Cup fresh spinach

½ Cup fresh basil

½ Cup finely diced tomatoes

½ Cup finely diced peppers (any kind)

⅓ Cup finely diced green or red onions (or chives if preferred)

1 200 gram container bocconcini cheese

2 Tbsp olive oil

⅓ Cup prepared pesto

Fresh pepper and salt to taste
 

Directions

• Prepare pasta as per box directions - for some reason I always cook my pasta one or two minutes longer than the “al dente” directions when making pasta salad
• Meanwhile, coarsely chop spinach and basil and pour in large bowl - I love big chunks of basil, but you might like to chop a bit finer if you don’t

  

  Fresh, fresh, fresh!

• Add chopped veggies to spinach and basil, toss to combine
• Chop bocconcini to desired size and add to veggies - I cut mine into eighths
• Once pasta is ready, strain and run cold water over it until it’s cool
• Add pasta to large bowl and toss to combine
• Add olive oil to bowl of pasta and veggies
• Add pesto to bowl, and toss well to combine - my pesto was very thick, so I nuked it for about 30 seconds to make it easier to stir

  

  So good!

• Add salt and fresh pepper to taste

n.b.: You can substitute any kind of cheese you like if you’re not a fan of bocconcini.  I like it in this salad because it’s so mild you can really taste the freshness of the basil and veggies.  I have used feta in this salad before, and it was good too - though you’d probably want to adjust your salt accordingly, since feta is quite strong and salty.

Keep eating, keep smiling:)