ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ...
Sleep: I there any
other word in the English language as beautiful? I suppose you might say that there are many,
perhaps even words that are even more amazing and glorious. But I'm pretty sure that if your answer is
yes, you are either:
1. Not a mother
2. One of those moms whose child sleeps like as angel and
pretty much has since they were a newborn... in which we can never be friends
Before I had a baby, I was a morning person. Not one of those annoyingly perky ones, with
the sing-song voice and perpetual "Life is Beautiful" smile on my
face. Just someone who never really had
too much trouble getting up and going in the morning. I'd have a couple of cups
of coffee at a leisurely pace before leaving the house, and I'd be good to go. I was also more effective at work in the
mornings, and more likely to work out, often going to the gym before work,
having no problem getting up an hour earlier and setting my alarm for 5AM. All of that changed once I had my son.
There are no words to describe the pure all-encompassing
exhaustion that comes with having a newborn.
You can certainly understand it in theory: their tummies are tiny and
can barely hold any milk, so they have to eat constantly. Makes sense, right? Oh, but the difference between understanding
it logically and actually living it are two very different things indeed! Newborns have no concept of day or night, so
will need to eat around the clock, no matter if mommy is a zombie or not.
"I'm just gonna rest my head here for a while"
There's a reason that sleep deprivation is a torture technique
used by many countries. Crazy, right? The point is that new moms and dads experience such a
crazy amount of sleep deprivation that they're living in some sort
of twilight during that time. That was
the case for me, anyway. It is
exhaustion at its most extreme, and we signed up for it! So you'd better not complain, especially not
to people who don't have kids of their own.
They don't get it, never will, and don't really give a shit!
From about the time that my son was about six weeks old, he was
exclusively formula-fed. Apparently
formula-fed babies sleep longer than breastfed ones, since formula is more
filling - so they say. That was not the case for my
little guy, unfortunately... but you better believe that I held on to the little nugget of hope like a drowning victim gone overboard. We would be
up and at it from 4AM onwards some days, since my son was not one of those
blissfully sleeping wee ones occasionally waking up for a light snack, and then
settling back down for a little warm nap.
Nope, from the get-go, M was an alert baby, so curious about everything
going on around him and wanting to take it all in. A blessing?
Absolutely. A curse? Also.
My son finally slept all night long, from 7PM to 6AM just shy of his
first birthday. To some moms that sounds
like a nightmare, and to others that sounds like a dream come true. Since that time, my son has been consistently
sleeping through the night. There are
occasional bouts of night waking that happen when he's sick (or when he started preschool when we had about a month of hellish sleep), but
for the most part our nights are pretty reliable in terms of his sleep. He wakes up very early, anywhere from 5AM
onwards, and there was even a period around the time that he turned two that he
was waking up at 4:45AM, and ready to go, go, GO!
I've never been a night owl, and now crawl into bed most nights with my
book sometime around 9PM and fall asleep pretty much as soon as I turn off the
light. You'd think that with me getting
somewhere between seven and eight hours of sleep a night, that I would feel
fully rested and ready to bound out of bed and play with my toddler when he
wakes up. Nope. Honestly, you can't explain it to someone who
hasn't lived it, but I am still 100% exhausted every hour of the day. All day.
Every day.
Since having a baby, I look tired all the time as well. It's not all that easy to tell since I have
thick brown frames on my glasses that hide all manner of sins. Thank God.
The puffy, strained and bloodshot look is one that I rock every morning
until about 10AM. I have eye wrinkles on
top of eye wrinkles that no amount of moisturizing will get rid of.
My fatigue is different than what it once was when my little guy was less
than a year old. Now it's a fatigue from
staying at home with him, and chasing after a three year old from 5AM-7AM seven days a
week. There's no such thing as a
weekend, per se. I am lucky enough to
have a husband who is completely involved and devoted to his son, and even
with the extra set of hands, it's still busy, tiring and can also be really
stressful. There is no relief from
responsibility on the weekends, let's just put it that way. I am able to get more done on the weekends,
but it means that I have to take time away from my family to do it (whatever it is, be it: cooking, cleaning, running errands, etc).
My son is now three and half years old, and to this day I am completely
obsessed with sleep: his sleep and mine.
I think about his naps constantly, and worry what will happen when he no
longer needs to nap at all. I crave sleep just like an addict craves a fix. Oh, and I am certainly a caffeine
addict and have been for close to 4 years
Anyway, sleep is something that is on my mind a lot. A lot.
Constantly. Maybe more than is
healthy and normal.
All of this to say that there's a big difference between starting out your day the way you'd like to, and at your own pace than being jolted awake at 5:15AM by a child demanding to play with his train set. I guess that's why I'm no longer a morning person... And to those of you who ask a parent the question "Why?" after it comes up that they're tired: don't be surprised if you leave with a black eye or two.
All of this to say that there's a big difference between starting out your day the way you'd like to, and at your own pace than being jolted awake at 5:15AM by a child demanding to play with his train set. I guess that's why I'm no longer a morning person... And to those of you who ask a parent the question "Why?" after it comes up that they're tired: don't be surprised if you leave with a black eye or two.
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