Most you know that three people live in my living house: me, Hubs and M.  Crossing my fingers that we can get a dog sooner rather than later, so we can add a furry baby to the mix.  But there's something else here with us, something that is sometimes terrifying, often completely irrational, and incredibly frustrating.  This entity is my Mom Guilt, and I'm pretty sure it's not going anywhere anytime soon. 

Like a house guest that overstays their welcome, or that annoying neighbor we all seem to have that won't let you get a word in edgewise while you're outside trying to rake your leaves.  I can't seem to get away, and it is everywhere.

I just googled "Mom Guilt", and the 5th entry that came up was by WebMD!!  I can't speak as to their expertise in the topic, but it's wild that a medical based website would have anything to contribute to the topic at all.  But it does, and lots.  It's an honest to god thing, and according to my own mom: It Never Goes Away.  Awesome.

I feel guilty about all kinds of things in my house these days.  You know I'm all about the lists, so here's another one for you.  This particular one is specifically about Mom Guilt... maybe if you're really lucky I'll write another entry about my Wife Guilt, Family Guilt and Life Guilt too.  Good times. 

As a mom, I feel guilty that:

• I was not able to breastfeed
• When M is sick, all he wants to do is watch TV, and I let him
• Maybe M isn't stimulated enough being home with me
• I feed M fistfuls of Goldfish crackers when he pitches a fit no reason whatsoever just so I can have a minute of peace
• I exercise in the basement in the mornings and turn on CBC for about 30 minutes for M most mornings
• I get bored a lot when we're going about our days
• I'm often distracted by chores and supper prep, and can't give M my full attention
• I often let M eat things at mealtime that I said I never would just so he'll eat something
• M enjoys playing with Hubs more than me
• Hubs is ten times more patient with M than I am
• I turn on the TV to make supper if M is getting too hairy
• Maybe we don't get outside enough
• I was so looking forward to M starting preschool last month so I could have two hours to myself twice a week
• I don't play enough with M
• I'm not as close with my brother as I once was, and as a result he does not see M often
• I often try on many outfits a day before leaving the house because I'm still not comfortable with my post-baby body, and M is witness to it all
• M can be standoffish and shy, and is not always the most social kid and I worry that it's because of me
• I can't craft for my life

Writing all of that down felt both cathartic and incredibly sad at the same time.  Where does the Mon Guilt come from?  What is based on?  Is it all in my head?

The topic is something I've talked about with many different moms, and we all feel it.  Maybe it's to do with the expectations we have about motherhood vs. the reality of it. Maybe it's because we're always inundated with images of beautiful celebrities doing it all and looking glamorous as hell while breastfeeding their baby, and looking skinny again 3 weeks after giving birth.  Maybe it's because some of us tell everyone how wonderful it is to be a new mom in the beginning, and then go home and cry for hours behind closed doors.  Maybe some of us work full time and have to leave our kids in daycare.  Whatever the reasons, it doesn't matter because We All Feel It.

Getting rid of Mom Guilt is not realistic unfortunately, if not damn right impossible.  But we can make it easier on each other.  We can try being kinder to ourselves.  That amazing advice that you give your friend who feels like she's being the worst mom in the world?  Practice what you preach.  The good news is that we feel the guilt because we really and truly care and want the best for our children, which includes wanting to be Kick Ass Moms.  Which we are:)