The past three years have been a whirlwind to say the least - I had a baby and my family and I moved out to suburbia for a better quality of life.  But frankly, the fact that I've managed to keep my son alive for this long is a miracle in itself. 

And apparently, M is no longer considered a toddler - he is classified as a preschooler...  How the hell did that happen?!?  What happened to the days of the portable newborn, who traveled everywhere in his bucket car seat sleeping all the time?  Funnily enough, I thought that was hard work.  Now that he's three years old, I realize that that phase in his life was pretty much a cake walk.  A cake walk on no sleep.

He was like a fashion accessory, he went with everything!

Anyway... when M was born, I knew absolutely nothing about parenting.  Also, nothing about kids in general.  I babysat on and off when I was a teenager, but I was pretty terrible.  It was basically an excuse for me to pig out and rifle through other people's medicine cabinets.  I don't remember any of the kids' names that I looked after anymore, because I just didn't care about them.  No wonder no one wanted to hire me!

What's amazing is that I actually know a thing or two about being a mom now, and the ripe old age of thirty nine.  Not much, but a few things.  I'm certainly not an expert on anything to do with parenting as the mom of an only child; but through blood, sweat and tears (and lots of shit) I know a few things about parenting M:

• The love you feel for your kids may not always be instantaneous, but it is always ferocious
• There is not enough sleep in the world to make up for the sleep you lose being a mom
• I may be clueless about parenting, but no one knows my son better than I do
• No one thinks my son is as fantastic as I do (except for both sets of grandparents maybe)
• Every mom I've gotten to know is scared that she is fucking up
• Pretty much every kid has something that worries his/her mom all the time: sleep issues; feeding issues; potty-training problems; behavior problems; crazy tantrums; recurring ear infections; etc., etc., etc....
• Putting your own wants and needs on the backburner for your kids is what we do as moms
• Most of us were told not to brag when we were kids... so it should stand to reason that it's not really OK to brag about our kids now that we're adults (unless we're with family or good friends, of course)
• Not all moms are meant to stay at home with their children - it is the hardest job in the world and it's really not for everyone... and that's OK
• What's right and what works for me and my family is not what works for everyone else and their families
• It's normal to have struggled with accepting my body during and after pregnancy - acceptance is hard
• As soon as I think that maybe I've got this motherhood thing figured out a tiny bit, I realize that so much of it is luck mixed with lots of trial and error (and tons of poop)
• I've pretty much turned into my mother, and I now realize that's not a bad thing at all

Being a mom is so much more than can be put into words in a blog.  It is all encompassing and lasts forever, but more than that is the incredible amount of fierce love that goes hand in hand with it.  This I know.