How many of us are trying to start the new year off by trying to be better at something?  I sure am, the list of what I feel I can improve on is pretty long.  I figure if I can tackle things one at a time, I just might make myself happier... I wish I had the dedication to start something life changing like Gretchen Rubin's "Happiness Project" (have you read it?   Do it!!), but between juggling raising a toddler and trying to get my shit together...  well, let's just say that lower expectations might lead to a happier and more stable state of mind

1. Eat Better & Exercise

This is a no-brainer for me.  I work out regularly, and I love to break a sweat.  Unfortunately, I also eat like a pig every day.  So all the hard work amounts to nothing in gains.  For example, I've already had one slice of chocolate cake today.  Perhaps I won't have a second.  Seems reasonable, but time will tell.  I guess it's a matter of math in my case: eat less, weigh less!  Sadly, I suck at math. 


Mere minutes before I literally induced my own Food Coma

2. Spend More Time Doing What I Enjoy

Seems easy enough, but it really is hard to make time for yourself when there's so much going on all the time.  My son stays home with me, so the day is full of playing with him.  Plus cleaning.  Plus meal preparation.  Plus errands.  By the time naptime rolls around, it's all I can do to lie on the couch and check Facebook.  Like right now. 


Indeed

BUT, the more effort I makefor myself, the happier I am.  Even if it's just heading out to the library for half an hour with M and then reading a few pages of a new book while he's engrossed in Lego once we get home.  The time that I have with M at home before he starts school in a couple of years is precious.  However, I've finally realized that my own state of mind is precious too.  So whether it be taking the extra thirty seconds to grind fresh coffee beans (thank you, Teena), or plunking M down in front of the TV so I can actually blow dry my hair: if it makes me feel good, it just might be worth it.  If mummy's not happy, ain't nobody happy!

3. Acceptance

(a) As much as I do want to get back myself more on track with my eating, I'm trying my best to let go of the unrealistic expectations I have about my ideal body.  When Hubs and I met, I was living alone and working three jobs, with both disposable income and time to spare.  I was thin and strong, well-groomed and pretty fabulous (obviously).  I need to remind myself that I may no longer be as thin as I was, but I'm still strong as hell.  I grew a baby inside of me!!!  Let all of us mommies shout it from the rooftops: "WE GREW A HUMAN BEING INISDE OUR BELLIES!!!"!!  My body will never look like it did before I had my son - and I'm learning to go with it.  Unrealistic expectations lead to disappointments, and I'm just not into it anymore.  And honestly, I'm almost forty and I don't think I look bad at all.
(b) It's not all about managing my weight and clean eating and all the rest of it.  I'm not religious, but I truly DO want to have the serenity to accept the things I cannot change in my life: awkward relationships with different people in my life; strained familial dynamics; wanting the best for my friends despite them being in difficult situations; etc. etc., etc.  I can either drive myself crazy worrying and analyzing, or I can accept it all and move forward.  Challenging for sure, but I could use a bit of serenity, so I'll keep trying.

4. Purge

Now, this doesn't refer to the purging I used to do in my twenties when I would drink too many pints of cider at the pub (Ah, the Good Old Days!  Yeah, I say that now...so what?!?).  Or even in my early (mid) thirties, truth be told.

Don't judge - we've all been there, right?  Right?!?

This is what I'm calling my acts of letting go.  The stuff that you hang onto, and hang onto and then hang onto some more that doesn't do you any good?  Yeah, that's what I'm talking about.
For me, this means a LOT of things need to be kicked to the curb.  I hang on to a lot of baggage, grudges, people and material stuff.  I have clothes in the back of my drawers from when Hubs and I were dating and I was a size 4.  I have "friendships" with people who make me feel like shit every single time I see them.  I hold a grudge on the first girl to ever break my brother's heart twenty-five years ago - and I'm not even kidding!  What good can any of this stuff be doing me?  I need an extra strength colonic to get rid of this toxicity!  Maybe all of the purging will make me feel lighter - it certainly used to.

So I think that's about it as far as my resolutions go.  It actually felt cathartic to write them down, and I feel as though I'm more accountable now.  But I'm pretty tired too.  Time for another slice of chocolate cake and some Facebook stalking?